Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
