I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
