I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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