Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
