i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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