Whod you bang
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Randomize
