FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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