is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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