The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
