Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
