I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
