Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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