ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dear god my vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
