I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
