oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
