the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
