What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
