You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
