break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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