hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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