Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
