I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
