we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
