u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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