I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
