I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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