im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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