Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
