Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
