oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The air was thick with penises
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
