There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
