I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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