She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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