I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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