Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
