And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
