I feel like I'm in dance class right now
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
