thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
