I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found puke in my bra..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
