let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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