Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
