But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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