how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
