it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
