garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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