I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
