I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
