Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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