Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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