so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
