i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
