areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
