I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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