she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
