the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
